Dreams, plans, and panic
Finally a moment to write a few words... There are so many thoughts that enter my mind and so many things I need to do. Luksa and I finally shared the news with our families that we are expecting a little on in the middle of October. Everyone was very surprised (so were we initially) but very excited for us and supportive of us. Now that I am out of the first trimester, at least I'm not battling feeling queezy. But overall I have to say that I probably had it easy compared to many women. Anyway, now I'm in the stage that my belly is starting to show and I'm having "growing pains" occasionally. But overall, smooth sailing so far. I can't wait to feel that first kick. It is an amazing feeling knowing that there is life inside you and I feel truly blessed and thankful to God. True, Luksa and I kinda skipped a step or two in the usual process, but we could not be more happy and more thankful for the life entrusted to us. I just dream and hope that we can be the best of parents for this little one and make his/her life as happy as can be. I know that both of us will try.
I have to admit that I was nervous to share the news with anyone. I had no idea how anyone would react - all of our families, my bosses, our friends, etc. But everyone has been very gracious and supportive, more than I could have ever expected. And that means the world to me. So now there is a ton of planning to do - preparing for the baby (I don't even know what all I need much less when and where I will be getting all that), preparing for our life together (figuring out finances, living conditions, cars... the list is endless), and trying somehow to plan ahead. I consider myself a realist and a very practical person, so I don't usually worry about things that are not in my control. So I focus on short term goals with long term hopes in mind. Luksa is a much bigger worrier than me and he would like to have answer for things that are a complete mistery right now. Something we'll have to try to counterbalance better. So, I try to calm him down somehow, but at the same time it rattles me a bit too. And hence, panic! Every once in a while when we talk about everything that needs to be done, covered, taken care off, blah, blah, blah, I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack because most of those things are not in my control right now! I really need to take things one at a time, as efficiently as possible and as quickly as possible, but I cannot handle worrying about everything at the same time. That just locks me into a helpless feeling and I don't act on anything. Not a good thing...
I guess my point is just this - we are very excited and ready to try our best in making the best life for our family, but with that come new worries and new responsibilities neither of us had to deal with in the past. I just hope and pray that God will give us the insight, the strength, and the wisdom to do everything (well at least the necessary things) in time without too much stress and panic.
Well, that's what's been going through my head this weekend... I cannot thank both of my families enough for all the support and love they've given me. I would not survive without that...
On a brighter note, here are a few pics from the cherry blossom day - unfortunately they were almost gone that day, but we got a couple of nice photos in the two trees still full of blooms...
I have to admit that I was nervous to share the news with anyone. I had no idea how anyone would react - all of our families, my bosses, our friends, etc. But everyone has been very gracious and supportive, more than I could have ever expected. And that means the world to me. So now there is a ton of planning to do - preparing for the baby (I don't even know what all I need much less when and where I will be getting all that), preparing for our life together (figuring out finances, living conditions, cars... the list is endless), and trying somehow to plan ahead. I consider myself a realist and a very practical person, so I don't usually worry about things that are not in my control. So I focus on short term goals with long term hopes in mind. Luksa is a much bigger worrier than me and he would like to have answer for things that are a complete mistery right now. Something we'll have to try to counterbalance better. So, I try to calm him down somehow, but at the same time it rattles me a bit too. And hence, panic! Every once in a while when we talk about everything that needs to be done, covered, taken care off, blah, blah, blah, I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack because most of those things are not in my control right now! I really need to take things one at a time, as efficiently as possible and as quickly as possible, but I cannot handle worrying about everything at the same time. That just locks me into a helpless feeling and I don't act on anything. Not a good thing...
I guess my point is just this - we are very excited and ready to try our best in making the best life for our family, but with that come new worries and new responsibilities neither of us had to deal with in the past. I just hope and pray that God will give us the insight, the strength, and the wisdom to do everything (well at least the necessary things) in time without too much stress and panic.
Well, that's what's been going through my head this weekend... I cannot thank both of my families enough for all the support and love they've given me. I would not survive without that...
On a brighter note, here are a few pics from the cherry blossom day - unfortunately they were almost gone that day, but we got a couple of nice photos in the two trees still full of blooms...
posted by JB @ 11:53 AM
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